worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
