After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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