Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
