you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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