he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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