Define "chronic" masturbator.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
