my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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