I heard we made out
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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