In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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