That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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