Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
