Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
They took my balls.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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