You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
