he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
do nipples grow back?
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