woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
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i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize