All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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