I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
