I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
