mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I accidentally had phone sex last night
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
