bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
