i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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