he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
