btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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