did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
