These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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