Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Oh god it's open bar.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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