remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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