You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
