need another drink. this is the easiest way
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
