I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
