I think I died a long time ago.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
