I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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