Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
