i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I am spending my child support on dildos
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
