Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
