I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
