He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize