He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
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i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
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Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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