Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
