if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
