please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
