Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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