I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
