That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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