its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
