My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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