Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i think my cat just said my name.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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