ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
