he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
