I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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