I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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