She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
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hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
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You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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