So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
