I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
