Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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