Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
