my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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