you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
