i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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