you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
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If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
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Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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