Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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