i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
