I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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