I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
