Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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