if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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